i think life is absolutely amazing.

what cheered me up today was the fact that i got another A. this time for physics and it was amazing because i can't even recall the last time i even attended that module. so yeah. cool.

and nothing against counsellors or anything but i think these session have been fruitless. you're telling me things i already know and it doesn't really help. i just learned that maybe i don't want anybody's help. if you want to change, you have to put in effort. so i'm not going back to counselling. maybe it helped a bit but whatever. im not going back.

and another thing. don't let other people stop you from doing the things that you love. this is especially for iffah. if you want to go to hiphop dance lessons or whatever, please at least give it a try. you know i had a lot of criticism when i first wanted to join tarian and i never regretted for at least trying.

so. i think i have cooled off. but i am confused though. part of me says i should let it be. the other part says i put too little pressure on myself. i think i should just follow my head and heart.

im sorry. i know i've been gone. but i think i need to make myself happy before i can make others happy. i'm sorry i wasn't there when you needed me. i'm sorry i wasn't a good friend. i have a lot in my head i just want to forget everything first. make myself happy. and i'll be back.

i don't know what to do with work right now. problems one after another. does anybody even remember how it was like to be a kid anymore?

i want a happy blog. :)

nothing about being sad. nothing about problems. nothing about losing.

just happy. as soon as i have the time i will update. goodbye.

i'm just going through a hard time.
it's all part of life, yes.

but don't try to tell me what to do. talk is always cheap. you might say you would do it but if reality hit you in the face, would you really? you say you might surrender when you kill somebody but would you really if it really happens. all i'm saying is that, you're not me. you just don't get it. i don't have a role model like you guys do. i know i can study. i know i am capable but seriously, without motivation and all that, it's just a waste. i can't see myself in the future with this. maybe it's a family thing i have that's affecting school. just don't think it's that easy to solve.

i quit everything i ever started.

i just feel like i need a simple blog to simply blog right now.

i have a lot in mind but i'll just elaborate on 2 things.
school and family.

my mom. she's great and all.
but seriously, what's the use. you work all the time. i barely even know you. you barely even know me. i think the reason why i'm even a workaholic is because i got it from you. i really feel like i don't know you anymore. this whole family is split up and you know it. yet we're staying under the same roof.

and school.
i know i hadn't put in much effort but whatever. i really feel like it's a waste of time. i go to school but seriously, i learn nothing. i'll give it one last try in counselling and then maybe i'm going to talk to mum about getting out of this stupid school.

i'll work to save money and take a private course. hell yeah.
bye.

because i am not loved enough by you, that is why i feel like this. when everybody else dont have to think about money the way i do is why i feel like this. i wish i had a normal life.

next month is mama's.


it burns me deep inside and i don't want to elaborate.

just want to say happy birthday ibu.

forgive me.